Satirical Society of Scintillating Sentences: Work It Out or Else Get Eaten

yayAs a young person living in the greatest nation of the world, I have become highly disgusted with the racism that runs through this country. White cops and young men attack black lives in an attempt to prove that people of color are inferior. There is a necessity to remind people that #blacklivesmatter. Although many try to sweep racism in America under the rug, so to speak, racism is the most prominent vein running through America’s soil. Apparently all Muslims are trying to bomb America, all African Americans are trying to ruin America, all Latinos are all jumping the border to take over jobs, all Asians are causing traffic accidents with their poor driving, all Native Americans need to pushed out and never belonged in America, and all Caucasians are trying to take over the world and think they’re the most superior.

Therefore, I propose every race-related conflict should be solved with a laser tag fight. However, if that does not solve the problem, both parties will be served as a dish to other people. The laser tag fight will give both parties a chance to overcome their differences before any harm has to be done. Although any other nonviolent game will do, laser tag will also provide the opportunity to use a gun, which seemingly many people have stronger attachments to than their significant others. If the conflict is not resolved, both parties, regardless of who started the conflict will be served as a dish of a chef’s choice. This will not only rid the world of people who refuse to settle their differences, but it will also help solve other problems that may not seem as a prominent problem now though will greatly affect humans in the future.

There are seven-billion people and counting living on this planet, and although individuals enjoy believing in the contrary, Earth may be unable to sustain all of its animals and plants. The act of making both parties into a dish will slightly chip away at the problem of overpopulation. Assuming that there are 100 race related conflicts per year, with five people per party in each conflict, and 75% percent of conflicts being solved through laser tag, the amount of people that will be served is 205 per year. This may seem like a small number, but also presuming that those 205 people will meet a partner and make three children, this proposal will prevent the birth of 750 people. So in total, 1,000 people will be denied the right to life.

Consuming the parties who refuse to solve their conflicts through laser tag will also help feed many others. The average human weight is 178 pounds, and an average human eats around five pounds per day. Since each party has five members, the total weight of the two groups would be 1,780 pounds. Both parties would be able to feed one person for one year and six days, or 356 people for one day.

Unfortunately, the possibility of becoming a meal for 356 people will give both parties incentive to quickly resolve their conflict through laser tag. This resolve will leave many people hungry, and the Earth will still continue to become overpopulated. Despite the drawbacks of resolving race related conflicts through laser tag successfully, overall, this may result in less deaths due to people being able to overcome their perverse hatred against a large group or groups of people. Another possible solution I propose, which will never be as successful as the one previously described, is being open-minded and being nice to everyone. But we all know that open-mindedness and kindness are qualities that require an unreasonable amount of effort.

The End

Words and Picture By Mina Choe

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