Satirical Society of Scintillating Sentences: They Could Literally Be Anywhere



This morning two notorious serial killers, Black and Jack, escaped from a high security prison. The two men are believed to be accomplices, so if you see one, the other may be close in proximity. We ask all of the people to be wary, for they could literally be anywhere.

Check your cereal bowls before you pour in your Cheerios. The police have noted that they want Black and Jack alive, not dead from suffocation because you were careless about where you poured your cereal. Check under the chairs you are sitting in right now; Black and Jack could be right under them. Or even worse, you could be unknowingly sitting on them.

Black and Jack were last seen on Post Street and 2nd, literally sitting on the curb. Everyone who lives in that vicinity please be wary, and keep an eye for two men dressed in all black, wearing eyeglasses, and exhibiting suspicious behavior. If you spot two men with that description please call the police immediately.

Remember that they could literally be anywhere. And if Jack and Black corner you, be sure not to use the word “literally” as they are infamous for butchering the use of the word.

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