PSA: 2 SERIAL KILLERS ON THE RUN COULD LITERALLY BE ANYWHERE
This morning two notorious serial killers, Black and Jack, escaped from a high security prison. The two men are believed to be accomplices, so if you see one, the other may be close in proximity. We ask all of the people to be wary, for they could literally be anywhere. Continue reading
An anonymous person on a forum who goes by “harmonylovrr09” posted a thread that has left many people shredding the tips of their shoelaces, otherwise known as aglets. On a thread called ”PLZ READ” harmonylovrr09 posted: Continue reading
As a young person living in the greatest nation of the world, I have become highly disgusted with the racism that runs through this country. White cops and young men attack black lives in an attempt to prove that people of color are inferior. There is a necessity to remind people that #blacklivesmatter. Although many try to sweep racism in America under the rug, so to speak, racism is the most prominent vein running through America’s soil. Apparently all Muslims are trying to bomb America, all African Americans are trying to ruin America, all Latinos are all jumping the border to take over jobs, all Asians are causing traffic accidents with their poor driving, all Native Americans need to pushed out and never belonged in America, and all Caucasians are trying to take over the world and think they’re the most superior. Continue reading
This is a one of a kind microwave that I personally invented. Its main purpose is to create radioactive spiders, but it can also make amazing Hot Pockets. This is perfect for anyone who wants to fulfill his/her childhood dream of becoming Spiderman. Continue reading
As a journalist, I’m very interested in the lives of typical teenagers so I went out into the streets and asked a random teenager about her plans for the summer. I picked out Veronica as she was walking down the street. Luckily, she was very eager to talk to me, unlike most of the teenagers, who completely ignored me. Continue reading
To combat the many accidents and the traffic occurring in Seahorse High School, the administration proposed installing traffic lights in the hallways due to the constant hallway traffic rage. The traffic lights will assist the students to navigate through the schools with more order. “We once had a fistfight break out because a student ran into another when he was making a right turn,” says Ms. Lucas, a teacher at Seahorse High School, “We can’t afford to have another fight occur because of hallway traffic. Hopefully, the traffic signs will reduce the hallway rage we have observed in the students.” Continue reading
[Editors Note: Below is an actual (totally not made-up) letter from an actual (totally not made-up) school, written by an actual (totally not made-up) principal, regarding an actual (totally not made-up) new and improved school lunch program.] Continue reading
Although the popular children’s book, The Very Hungry Caterpillar, written by Eric Carle, seems to be a mere children’s novel about a caterpillar’s week, with an absurd amount of analysis and a healthy amount of wild conclusions, a universal theme overarching the short story can be established. Over the course of the rapid and shallow development of the caterpillar’s adventure throughout the week, Carle explores the inner demons that dwell in foolish humans and where they are capable of leading us. In the caterpillar’s situation, its hunger, without a doubt, symbolizes the burning desires that fill humans’ souls. The caterpillar is hungry as soon as it is born, which represents how our little devils are within us from the beginning. In order to satisfy its hunger, the caterpillar begins to eat everything in sight. Similarly, as soon as humans are born, we need to satisfy these inner demons, and crying satisfies their desire to bring chaotic clamor into the world. Continue reading
Good morning, and welcome to this column I call Satirical Society of Scintillating Sentences otherwise known as SSSS or Hiss.
El Fin.
I am most certainly joking; a single sentence does not adequately introduce my column. Continue reading
SUNSET MEDIA WAVE 